Decorus Visum
by lovepb13
Summary: Gwen watches the sun set on a year since Morgana left. Gwen/Morgana
1. Chapter 1

Title: Decorus Visum (1/?)  
Fandom: Merlin  
Genre: Romance  
Characters & Pairings: Gwen/Morgana  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: There's a tiny reference to _The Gates of Avalon_  
Disclaimer: I don't own BBC's_ Merlin  
_Summary: Gwen watches the sun set on a year since Morgana left.

The view from Morgana's window at sunset was awe inspiring, honey dripping from rivers of red and orange, pooling in a golden orb that slipped languid beneath the horizon. I watched as the last droplets of light disappeared beneath the distant trees of Avalon. The window belonged to me now, the chambers, bed, dresser and walls, all mine; though to me though they would always be hers.

This time of day always reminds me of a conversation, a few shared words between lady and servant, where she asked me if I was willing to put Uther's love for her to the test, I had not. The words that passed between us were secret as always, never leaving the walls in which they where whispered. Above all else I sought to protect Morgana, to keep her safe from those who hated the power within her and to soothe her ever troubled mind.

Merlin did not share this wish.

When it had come down to it he had chosen to reveal Morgana's powers to save Arthur's life, he had risked her life and lost. Uther had been furious, ranting about the enemy within. It had taken all that I had to help Morgana slip away, to help her leave in the dead of light.

"Gwen" It had only been a word, one perfectly formed emotion laced word. Morgana's eyes were full of pain, full of the things she couldn't articulate, perfectly laid bare in those ever changing eyes.

"I know." I had whispered. I hadn't known, how could I? But I feared the closer drawing dawn would light her up for all of Camelot to see if she didn't leave.

A year has passed since I watched her ride away; a lot has changed since she left, things she won't approve of, things she wasn't here to stop. Arthur's pain at the loss of Morgana was greater than anyone anticipated, he sought solace in bidding me to retell stories of her and sharing some of his own. A comfort grew between us so when Uther declared on his death bed that it was time for Arthur to marry he asked me. There was not love of the traditional kind but we got by, him on his side of the castle and me on mine. It's funny how people can change so much in a year, how much they can change when their heart has gone.

Arthur has Merlin, he always has. But I'm alone, staring at the sun setting over Avalon, over her.

"Gwen" The word was an echo in my ears, sending shivers through my body like she said it, a memory reverberating in my mind. "Gwen" A bell chiming morning never sounded sweeter than that.

"Guinevere"

Turning quickly, I broke my communion with the setting sun severing the chord of serene emptiness that connected us.

There she was, bathed a palindrome of light, blues and greens dancing in her eyes.

She bowed in acquiescence. "My Queen."

"Morgana" I breathed, each syllable shakier than the last.

"I know." She whispered, almost floating across the distance between us.

"How..." I started. "Why?" I knew asking how she got here was a mistake, maybe asking why she was here was as well but I couldn't catch my ever tripping tongue.

"You're pregnant." She said, eyes falling down until I could almost feel her gaze on me, touching me.

"How can you know when I do not?" I said, wishing she would meet my gaze again so I could look into her eyes. Arthur wants nothing more than an heir and I had no choice to submit to him, taking consolation in the idea of a child.

"I can feel it." She said simply, granting my wish and lifting her eyes. "She's a sorceress, like your mother."

"My mother wasn't a sorceress, she was a scullery maid." My heart panged at the thought of a mother I never knew. "She died having me."

She shook her head. "No, she was killed, by Uther."

I didn't ask how she knew.

Blurry memories of my grandmother filled my head, her strange words making toys dance before my eyes.

"Gwen," Morgana said softly, rousing me from my memory, "your daughter isn't safe here." I gasped silently as her hand rested against me, warming where my baby lay. "Mordred says one day she will bring peace to this land, we have to protect her."

A million thoughts whirled through my mind, so much in so little time. I had no time to process a single one. "Avalon?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Why do you care about her? She isn't even in this word yet." I asked, hoping she could give an answer that would calm my fretting heart.

"She's of my kind." She said. "But there are hundreds of us, she is just one." She paused as if searching for the courage to give me an honest answer. "I care because she's yours. I've seen her in my dreams Gwen and she is _beautiful_, bright brown eyes and a button nose. I've heard her singing in the language of the old religion, her voice is soft as silk but wields the power of a hundred thousand storms." Morgana's voice had become distant and her eyes unfocused.

"I married Arthur." It was a confession, an admission of guilt.

"I saw. You looked beautiful on your wedding day." She smiled but her eyes still refused to focus on me.

"Why do I feel I should apologise for marrying him?"

She finally looked at me, really seeing me. "I can't tell you if you don't know."

"If I knew I wouldn't ask." I said, imploring her to tell me.

She took a step forward, leaning her head until I could feel her lips brushing against my ear as she spoke. "Your heart is beating wild in chest; your lips are dry; your eyes feel like they want to roll back into your head; your hands are shaking and you ache for something."

With each word I became acutely aware of my body reacting as she described.

I nodded, swallowing and gasping in the think airs between us.

Her lips fell to my neck, just once before she pulled back and looked close into my eyes. "I take no pleasure in making you choose." Her eyes were serious and full on compassion. "I can't leave you behind again."

A daring that came from our newly found level plane drove me forward to bring our lips together. "Take me to Avalon." I whispered, still touching her.

"You will never be able to return here." She warned, leaning her forehead against my own.

"There is nowhere on this earth that we can be together." I said. "Nowhere that will understand."

"The people of Avalon will worship you." Morgana murmured, so close I could feel the words as they left her lips.

"And you?" I asked.

"I already worship you."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Decorus Visum (2/?)  
Fandom: Merlin  
Genre: Romance  
Characters & Pairings: Gwen/Morgana  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: There's a tiny reference to _The Gates of Avalon_  
Disclaimer: I don't own BBC's_ Merlin  
_Summary: Gwen arrives in Avalon.

The journey to Avalon was like nothing I had ever experienced, like nothing of this world. Morgana had slipped her arms around my waist holding me loosely to her and telling me to close my eyes. She whispered words I couldn't understand and my head began to rush, colours blurring behind my eyelids as a warm wind ripped at my clothes, I knew I was moving but how I couldn't tell. The sunset was nothing compared to the menagerie of colours that swirled and whirled in Morgana's magic, speaking more than words ever could of the goodness ingrained within it.

"Open your eyes." Morgana's voice was as clear one of my own thoughts, ringing soft like a morning bell in my head.

The world around me was green, green apples in green apple trees on green green grass. Moss was spongy beneath my feet, yielding as Morgana led me towards a blue stone castle. I knew this place was of her creation, the blues and greens were the colours of her eyes so it fit that she saw the world in the same hues. There were no paths or roads, just a natural hollow way where the grass was a little greener and richer. Snowdrops were scattered on either side of us, dusted between the trees like the first frost Morgana waited so eagerly for each year.

"How many are there of you?" I asked as we neared the castle. I knew that there was a sufficient Druid population to fill the castle but I doubted they all fell in behind Morgana; she was a symbol of Camelot after all.

"A half dozen." She answered. "There were more but we had a conflict... with Arthur's knights. We were unarmed and unprepared, we never stood a chance."

Guilt swelled within me. Had I consoled him after that battle? Had I bathed the wounds that Morgana had given him fighting for her life?

"Don't blame Arthur, Uther sent them. Arthur had no choice." She looked to me and smiled. "The druids from all of Albion are going to be gathering here soon, Mordred saw it."

"He is a seer like you then?" I asked, going first as she offered me the door. It was a surprisingly small door for a castle but I remember when she was a child Morgana had always complained about the number of guards it took to defend a large entrance, perhaps she remembers too.

"Yes. But, like me, not exclusively." Morgana said, closing the door behind and murmuring some incantation to lock it.

I nodded, losing the conversation in my wonder at the inside of the castle. It was exactly like I remember Camelot being when I was a child, big and grand but oddly comforting. It had the space that a child sees in a room instead of the lack of it observed by an adult eye.

"It's not the whole castle, just the left wing." Morgana said tentatively, as though she didn't know how I would react to her reminiscent home.

I nodded again, taking in the long corridor that should lead to the stairs to the upper floor and Morgana's chambers.

"It's beautiful." I assured her. "It's just like I remember Camelot being when I first started to work in the castle."

"It's from Mordred's point of view." Morgana said, ushering me down the corridor to one of the smaller feasting halls. "He only saw a bit of the castle so I had to fill in the rest."

"I can tell." I smiled at her.

She smiled back, unsure and relieved all at once at my acceptance of all that had happened so far. The truth was I didn't know what I thought of it, I hadn't had time.

"Do you want to meet the others?" Morgana asked. "They've been waiting for you." It was more of a light encouragement than persuasion and I wondered if she was as nervous as I was.

A sudden realisation struck me and I glanced out the window. "It's daytime."

She nodded. "I can only bring one person with me in an instant, it took time to get here." She blushed at the admission, her eyes wide and scared as if I would run if she moved too suddenly.

"They'll know I'm gone by now." I said, more to myself than to her.

"Merlin knows you're gone." Morgana nodded. "He felt me arrive at the castle and felt both of us leave."

I considered for the first time what Merlin or Arthur's reaction to my absence would be. How would the people of Camelot react? They were losing their queen after all.

I shook the troubling thoughts from my head and vowed to look forward; being a servant had taught me the uselessness of regret when time was short. "I'd like to meet your friends."

Morgana wordlessly showed me into the hall where five people stood waiting. There were two men and two women, Mordred standing in front of grey haired man. The other man was younger and looked a little like the man who had brought Mordred to Camelot, perhaps a brother? Both women had flaxen hair and bright blue eyes, similar features and soft lines around the smaller one's eyes suggested mother and daughter. I wondered whether the father had been killed by one of Camelot's knights, perhaps even Arthur himself.

"Guinevere." Mordred bowed his head to me and I blushed. He was older than when I last saw him and his cheeks had the pink of a healthy child, eyes bright with innocence. The sight was oddly comforting, he looked so much more like a child than when I last saw him and I wondered if he played in the orchard like Morgana and Arthur played in the forest as children.

"Hello Mordred." I smiled. "It's nice to finally hear your voice."

He grinned and let out a small laugh. "I'm sorry I never spoke to you."

"This is Mordred's guardian, Cador." Morgan motioned to the grey haired man who bowed in response.

"My lady." He said.

"Next to him is Hoel, son of Lot." Morgana continued. "And this is Dindrane and her daughter Caelia."

I nodded to them all in turn as they bowed to me, being careful to respect formality. "It's nice to meet you all."

After a brief conversation with the other druids Morgana made excuses about me being tired after our trip and showed me up to her chambers, explaining that she would sleep in the servants room that I had often spent the night in when Morgana's nightmares had gotten too much for her to bare.

"There is a nightshift in the dresser and the bed should be warm. If you get cold or need _anything_ just call, I'll be right next door. We could both use some rest." Her voice was timid as before and I couldn't help but notice that her gaze kept flicking to my still flat belly. She excused herself by bowing her head to me in a way that just felt wrong.

"Morgana." I called after her before she could reach the door.

"Yes?" She turned a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"What's changed since Camelot?" I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice. "You kissed me."

She moved closer, stopping just out of reach. "I was weak." Her voice faltered. "I shouldn't have done it, it wasn't fair."

"I kissed you back." I reminded her.

"You're pregnant." She said. "You should rest."

"Don't change the subject." I said, slightly annoyed.

"That is exactly the subject." Morgana sighed. "I can't... We can't..."

"I'm not asking for much, just... one minute... and then..." I wanted to rub my temples, clear my thoughts. "Do you know how long I've loved you for? Do you know that I only came here for you, that I would have stayed if you hadn't kissed me?"

Morgana shook her head. "You came to protect your daughter."

"Arthur could protect our daughter, he and his knights are the most powerful in the land." I turned from her, not able to look at her when she was being like this. "I came because I have missed you with every part of me since the moment you left. For Arthur it got better but for me it got worse, every day."

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"Then you come back and... kiss me!" I turned back to her, eyes ablaze. "How dare you!"

"I'm sorry." She repeated, louder and with more feeling.

"Just go." I said, defeated. "Just go."

Weeks passed and my relationship with Morgana became less strained thought still completely platonic. We spent our days in the orchard or receiving the guest druids who seemed to be coming in by their hundreds. The view from my window no longer consisted of the clearing in front of the castle but the many hundreds of tents that held those who arrived after the castle had been filled. Mordred was working with Morgana to create a second, bigger castle to house the incoming hordes.

I was watching the sun set for 36th time from my window in Morgana's castle when she came up beside me to watch it with me.

"It's beautiful." She whispered.

"It's strange," I said, "watching the sun set over endless trees and rise over the turrets of Camelot."

"There's something I wanted to apologise for." Morgana said.

"Don't apologise for kissing me, apologising means you think it was wrong." I kept my eyes on the sunset, waiting for it to slip that last bit and go completely from view.

"It's what has happened since that I want to apologise for." She said tentatively. "I never expected you to kiss me back, not really."

"But I did." I reminded her.

"I felt like I was taking advantage of you, you're pregnant and I just turned up and..."

I took my chance and kissed her, kissed her in such a way that she could be in no doubt about my intentions. "If you want me, take me." I whispered, lips so close we touched with every word.

She did.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke to the feel of early the morning sunshine warm on face. It wasn't an unusual wake-up call, I had experienced it nearly every day since coming to Avalon and suspected Morgana had something to do with it, but unlike the other days the beam of sun wasn't the only thing warming my body in the cool morning air. A pang of guilt flashed through me at the lily white arm was draped loosely over my slightly swollen stomach. Regret. I didn't regret what had happened with Morgana, my stomach was bubbly with glee at that. It was that arm slung over me, slung over something that was as much Arthur's as it was mine, that made me feel this way. My heart tripped and stumbled to get my own mind to understand the feelings coursing through me, the result being more convoluted than ever.

All of those messy emotions melted away when a pause in my thoughts brought the sound of Morgana's soft breathing to my ears. The perfect in and out of it was like a lullaby, something I had been missing my whole life, the thing that would lull me to sleep even on those nights when slumber so evaded me. I turned in her arms coming nose to nose with my pale beauty.

"Morgana" I whispered, suppressing a giggle when her velveteen nose moved against mine in her sleep. "The sun is up."

"I don't want to open my eyes." She murmured, not moving an inch. "What if you're not there?"

"I'm here." I assured her, my heart swelling at the vulnerability in her voice. Vulnerability wasn't something I often saw from Morgana. Maybe it was losing her parents so young or growing up competing with Arthur that had so secured the mask that hid her emotions. She was a lot like Arthur in many ways but different where it counts.

Morgana's eyes slowly opened, glinting bright in the morning light. "You're here." She breathed.

"I'm here." I repeated. I couldn't help but find this new side of her charming. She had always been charming but before it had been her confidence and knight in shining armour mien that had been compelling about her, never had I seen her blush or look as uncertain as I had in these past few weeks.

"I thought maybe it had been one of my dreams." She said, eyes dancing.

"You don't have dreams anymore." I reminded her, threading my fingers with hers under the covers. She had told me that since coming to Avalon she hadn't had a single dream. She saw things in the day time now, the druids called it progress but I called it salvation. Seeing her writhe in terror in her dreams had made my own sleep plagued with troubles I had no grasp of. "It's too light, we should get up."

"It's my castle." She smiled, propping herself up on her elbow.

"You always were telling Uther how to do his job, maybe this is your chance to do better." I said, rolling onto my back and looking up at her.

"I would have to have a kingdom for that." She leant down and kissed me, slow and soft.

"You have everything you need." Our lips were still touching. "You just need to put in into practice."

She pulled away, looking down at me with wide eyes. "I can't."

"You can." I insisted. "You have a castle; you have people that would follow you anywhere; you have the power to raise a city from the ground; and you have me."

"You would be my queen." Her eyes darkened as she said it, drawing me in.

"I'm already your queen." I breathed, pulling her down into a fiercer kiss. My breath hissed in and my eyes dilated at the feel of her weight on top of me. It felt right, for the first time in my life this had felt right.

The next few months saw Morgana taking my advice. A full city had been erected around the castle and a new flag flew above the castle, a black horse on a blue background with the word freedom in Latin below in gold. A new identity had been forged for our city, Tintagel or the 'the narrow place'. It had been a nickname at first, a name used for our thin strips of farmland that hugged the coast. The conditions weren't ideal but mixing sand in the soil seemed to be working and with the magic that seemed to crackle in the air here the crops were coming up quick. The magic crops soon flooded the market that had been built in the west corner of the city and commerce sprang up. Shops and blacksmiths were flourishing in the east quarter making money quickly serving the houses that spread right up to the castle.

Soon looking out from my window was like looking out from its counterpart at Camelot. Men in armour trained in the courtyard below whilst smoke rose from the houses beyond, grey against the blue of the sky. The sound of horse's hooves and whinnying filled the air; it was enough to make me smile.

"Surveying your kingdom." Morgana teased, coming up behind me and slipping her arms around my waist. Three chaste kissed trailed up my neck to the hollow behind my ear as we pressed together in the early morning sun.

"You can't do that anymore." I said, looking down at where her hands failed to meet around my middle.

"It's not too long now." She murmured, lips tickling my neck as she dropped her hands to below my bump to join together.

"You won't go off me when there's a screaming baby in my arms?" I asked, wishing I could turn in her arms as I used to and lean our foreheads together.

"The whole of our kingdom is waiting for their princess." Another kiss fell onto my neck as Morgana's hand moved up to caress my stomach, my baby kicked in response.

"She likes you."

"She's like her mother." Morgana smiled, hugging me tighter.

"She needs another parent you know." I said tentatively. "She could be yours if you wanted."

Morgana was silent for a long while before finally breaking the silence. "I could never that to Arthur."

"He will always be her father, but that doesn't mean you can't be a mother to her." I covered her hand with my own and the baby kicked again.

"Neither of us had a mother." She said, her voice distant.

"That's why I need your help." I threaded our fingers together and squeezed. It was a gesture often shared between us, something gently and intimate that had been missing from my marriage to Arthur.

"I'll keep you both safe." She promised.

"Did you hear that Iona? We have our own knight in shining armour." I moved both mine and Morgana's hands over my bump, caressing the little baby below.

"Iona?" Morgana asked, smiling.

"Well she is blessed." I said, turning my head to kiss her. And she was, Iona and I were both blessed to be in this place, in Morgana's arms.


End file.
